


If I Believe

by TheJoysOfAMultishipper (Amemah)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Other, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 17:10:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6337834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amemah/pseuds/TheJoysOfAMultishipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Anon prompted me for Darcy/Bucky or Darcy/Steve with trophy stuff, and I went with the trope of Darcy introducing Bucky and Steve to music, only I went really fucking dramatic and zero-to-none dialogue AND I HAVE NO REGRETS LOOOOL</p>
<p>It’s written quite quickly though, so I might come back and change mistakes if I find them later! There shouldn’t be too many  :) Also, one of the songs I used is by an Icelandic group, which means I can’t stop thinking about Norway when I listen to it. I think it fits :)</p>
<p>(Songs used are below! Check them out, they’re all part of my Fave 2.0 playlist!)</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Let me know what you think, please? I love reading your comments!<br/>Hugs <3</p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <a href="http://thejoysofamultishipper.tumblr.com/">My Tumblr! Come say hi!</a></p>
    </blockquote>





	If I Believe

**Author's Note:**

> Anon prompted me for Darcy/Bucky or Darcy/Steve with trophy stuff, and I went with the trope of Darcy introducing Bucky and Steve to music, only I went really fucking dramatic and zero-to-none dialogue AND I HAVE NO REGRETS LOOOOL
> 
> It’s written quite quickly though, so I might come back and change mistakes if I find them later! There shouldn’t be too many :) Also, one of the songs I used is by an Icelandic group, which means I can’t stop thinking about Norway when I listen to it. I think it fits :)
> 
> (Songs used are below! Check them out, they’re all part of my Fave 2.0 playlist!)
> 
> \---
> 
> Let me know what you think, please? I love reading your comments!  
> Hugs <3
> 
>  
> 
> [My Tumblr! Come say hi!](http://thejoysofamultishipper.tumblr.com/)

He trusts her now, as much as he can trust someone, so he doesn’t say anything as she drags him off the couch and onto the floor, hooking her phone up to the speakers Tony had insisted on buying him, and lies down next to him. 

Steve comes out of their room, watching the pair on the floor silently – his more-than-boyfriend boyfriend, and their friend he feels guilty about looking at like  _that_ , even though he know Bucky looks at her the exact same way. He joins them after a few seconds of staring, and comes to lie down next to Darcy, waiting patiently with Bucky as she fiddles with her phone.

“This is Halsey,” She says, closing her eyes, and putting her phone away as the beginnings of a songs flow through the speakers and into the living room. “It’s called ‘Castle.”

_Oh, all of these minutes passing, sick of feeling used  
_ _If you wanna break these walls down, you’re gonna get bruised_

Steve hears Bucky breathing, and moves his head so he can see him properly. He’s mouthing the lyrics to himself, but other than that, he’s completely still. Darcy is breathing silently, her chest and stomach moving steadily. Her face though – Steve’s never seen it like that before, so calm and serene. She looks like his Ma did when she was praying, and he thinks he understands Darcy better now. He wants to spend the rest of his life like that; understanding Darcy better until there’s nothing new for him to learn, only watch as she learns for herself.

The song ends, transitioning into something that sounds like guitar. It’s more electric than what Bucky’s used to, but he likes it.

“What’s this called?” He whispers softly to Darcy, not wanting to disturb her. She looks peaceful, and Steve’s looking at her too, with a look of something akin to adoration on his face.

“’Bleeding Out’,” She answers, just as a male voice starts singing. It’s a clear voice, high and strong, but without that pitchy, almost whiney, sound that most voices today sounded like. “It’s a band called Imagine Dragons.”

_So if the last thing that I do_  
_Is bring you down_  
_I’ll bleed out for you_  
_So I bare my skin_  
_And I count my sins_  
_And I close my eyes_  
_And I take it in_  
_I’m bleeding out  
_ _I’m bleeding out for you, for you._

Bucky blinks against his stinging eyes, tries to breathe against the lump in his throat. It doesn’t work, not really, but Darcy’s hand grips his, and he can hear Steve clearing his throat, so he guesses she’s gripped his too.

He doesn’t know what’s she’s trying to accomplish here, but when the man sings _, ‘And innocence is gone, and what was right is wrong_ ’ his bottom lip quivers so much he has to bite it to keep from sobbing.

Bucky hasn’t cried since the first weeks of agonized recovery, and here he is, tearing up at the words of a random stranger. Steve’s breath is hitching too, but he hears Darcy shushing him softly, her hand gripping Bucky’s even harder. He thinks she’s tightened her grip on Steve as well, and likes that her first instinct is to help them both, when only one is suffering.

By the time the song ends, the singer doesn’t feel like a stranger anymore. It trails off into nothing, transitioning into the third song. The first two songs were similar in a way; had the same  _feel_ , but this one is different.

There are drums, clear drums as opposed to the heavy, sometimes muted drums of previous, and Bucky finds himself liking this too.  

_Tell me now_  
_And show me how_  
_To understand  
_ _What makes a good man?_

“This is ‘What makes a Good Man?’ by The Heavy.”  
It’s a man singing again, but his voice is rougher. It’s beautiful, Steve thinks, but at the same it’s too gritty to be beautiful.

Darcy’s head lolls over so she can look at him, canting it upwards because even when they’re lying down, he’s taller than her. There’s so much understanding in her eyes that he wants to look away, but he  _can’t_. There’s a lot about Darcy that makes him do or feel things he shouldn’t, but can’t stop.

He can feel the familiar weight of Bucky’s gaze on him as well, and it settles him slightly. The lyrics really hit him then, square in the chest, and nearly knocking the breath of out of his lungs with the force of it.

Some days, Steve wants to shout it from the rooftops; that he has  _no idea_ what makes a good man. He’s just trying to do the best he can, hoping someone realizes he feel way out of his depth. At least here, he thinks, two people know.  _And they’re the most important people anyway_.

He doesn’t know exactly when Darcy became part of that group, when she became equal to Bucky like that, but she did. He should feel guilty about it – and probably will later, – but he knows Bucky feels the same way. They’ve always been like that, two people with one mind despite their differences. Steve quietly thinks that it couldn’t be difficult to expand it to  _three_  minds, but pushes the thought away.  _Not now_ , he thinks.

The songs ends with violins slightly out of tune, and it fits perfectly. Darcy shifts again, so her eyes are closed against the ceiling. Steve catches Bucky’s eyes, sees a kinship in them that makes him breathe easier. Steve loves Darcy, but it’s stressful to begin to love someone else, as you don’t fall out of love with the other person you love.

He couldn’t keep away, but neither could Bucky. They’ll make it work, he decides.

_I’m looking for a place to start,_  
_But everything feels so different now._  
_Just grab a hold of my hand,  
_ _I will lead you through this wonderland._

 

The fourth song begins with a voice instead of drums, and it’s a woman again. There’s a slight tilt to her pronunciation that makes Bucky think of Scandinavia, the sweeping and calm fjords that he could see from the tips of mountains looking down over valleys, and hamlets, and small, red-and-white houses.

He can see it when he closes his eyes; the old statues towering from the middle of the town square, the architecture older than the country he calls home, the people who seem stand-offish and almost arrogant at first, but are actually the kindest he’d ever met.

It fills him with a sense of longing, for the ocean and the thrill of riding wave after wave, while the northerners swear in words there are no English equivalents for. He misses the sun that never sets in the summer, and how it always looked like it was warmer that it actually was. He misses the lakes dotting the forests, and hearing kids jumping in them and shrieking against the cold water, even though they stayed in it for hours at a time, only coming up to eat fruit and chocolate, before diving in again.  

He looks to Darcy again, wanting to thank her for making him remember the first pleasant memory he made after the fall, but the words get caught in his throat when he looks at her.

She’s so peaceful, lying there on his living room floor, smiling gently as she listens to the music. He thinks this song is for her, just like ‘Castle’ was for him, and the one with the long title was for Steve, and the one with the dragons was for both of them.

Does she think it could be a disaster? Bucky doesn’t think so – how could anything involving both Steve  _and_  Darcy be a disaster? He loves them. He really, truly does; it flows in his blood and sits in bones, and he’s surer of that than he is of anything else. And he’d had enough of being denied what he’d wanted – denying them all what could be so great was nothing short of unnecessary.

_The light is blinding my eyes  
_ _As the soft walls eat us alive._

Maybe it  _could_  be a disaster, he thinks. But it doesn’t have to be. It could be  _brilliant_.

“What’s this called?” He asks, voice raspy from his dry throat. He’s nervous, he realizes, nervous over a girl for the first time in his life. He’d felt nerves before, but nothing like this. He’s sure he loves  _her_ , but does she love them back?

“’Yellow Light’,” She says, “By Monsters and Men.”

It ends, fading into nothing before a new song begins, filling the apartment with coarse trumpets and an uncoordinated choir that has Darcy sighing in pleasure. He wants to make her sounds like that.

_And I’ve changed, Lord, I’ve changed the man I used to be_  
_I hurt you far too much before I could see_  
_But in the cold night I’m sure I’d find a way  
_ _To take you, honey, and break you down again_

It’s not about love, he realizes – it’s not a question about whether she loves them or not. It’s about trust. She’s worried they’ll break her heart.

He looks to Steve, and his eyes are wide with the same thought. There’s nothing they can do about it now, though, so they lie back, and this time it’s  _they_  who squeeze  _her_  hands.

It’s a man who sings it, and it’s a raspy voice again. This one is growling, almost shouting the lyrics with a restrained desperation that makes Bucky think of Darcy. She’s been watching Steve and him for  _months_ , waiting for them to take the initiative.

He imagines having Steve in front of him, watching him love and live his life with someone else, and it makes his heart contract painfully. Bucky felt guilty about loving Darcy in the beginning, at least he did before he realized Steve felt the same but didn’t admit it, but he  _had_  Steve.

He didn’t love her as much as he loved Steve then – hadn’t had enough time yet, – so he supposed it couldn’t compare. He had one of something that would one day be two; she didn’t have anyone of something that was so far out of reach.

They were her friends, but Bucky knew what it was like to love Steve without being able to tell him  _how much_. He knew what it felt like, to want every touch to linger and feel guilty about it. He couldn’t imagine feeling like that with  _two_  people who on top of it all  _loved each other_.

Carefully, he brought Darcy’s hand up to his lips, and kissed it gently. Neither she nor Steve anything, they just watched him equally wide, blue eyes. As the last piano note rang through the apartment she looked at her hand, still held in his bigger, rougher one. She smiled gently, so gently there was almost nothing there, and Bucky felt something like serenity float through him.

They’d make it work, he promises himself, looking over at Steve – they  _would_.

A sound he’d never heard before, that sounded like a mixture of a church organ and just plain electricity flowed from the speakers. Drums that sounded like claps followed, and then hoarse, fragile voice came.  

_And if I believe you, would that make it stop?_  
_If I told you I need you, is that what you want?  
_ _I’m broken and bleeding, and begging for help  
_ _And I’m asking you Jesus, show yourself_

 

Steve was a modest man, and didn’t like being compared to a god. It was something he’d had to get used to, either in late night television-jokes, think-pieces by journalists who actually knew less than nothing, or when it was used to describe the reverent gazes on the people who met them.

He didn’t like it. But now, he didn’t mind so much. Darcy had already told him; in the way she could, the way that meant the most to her, that she knew he wasn’t perfect. She knew he wasn’t infallible or a Greek Hero come to life.

But this was different. This wasn’t the worship of someone who only saw the shield and the suit, or the jawline and the propaganda posters.

This was  _Darcy_. This was Darcy, pleading that she wasn’t wrong.

_And I’m asking you Jesus, show yourself_

 

Steve wasn’t Jesus.  _Steve and Bucky_  was.

Hesitantly, Steve reached his hand towards her chin, pulling on it until she was facing him. She refused to look at him, her lashes fanning out over blushing cheeks as she kept her eyes closed.

“Darcy…” Steve couldn’t even care about how his voice cracked, because everything he’d wanted for  _months_  was right there, if he could only do this right. He couldn’t look at Bucky, not right now – Darcy needed to know that Steve was  _hers_ , just as much as he was Bucky’s. That what was this was about.  _Equals_.

“Darcy, please look at him,” Bucky said, almost pleading. He could feel it too; it was that moment right before a fight between equals ended, when it was just as likely you’d be left bloodied, bruised and dead, as it was you’d survive.

Darcy opened her eyes slowly, craning her neck so she was looking Steve. It was a bit awkward, lying down on the floor like this, but Steve had never felt so relieved in his life. He didn’t know why, she was only looking at him. But it was Darcy, so there was no _‘only’_  about it at all.

“What’s the song called?” He asked, his thumb moving in small and gentle circles on her cheek, just above her jawline.

“’If I Believe’,” She whispered, still looking at him.

“Do you?” Bucky asked, his voice louder and cleared than Steve’s had been. It felt like it was almost too loud, like they were tethering on a knife’s edge, and one wrong word would send them crashing to a fiery death. 

“I need proof to believe,” She answered, voice shaking, “I don’t believe in things that can’t be proven _._ ”

Steve may have been hopeless with women, but he wasn’t stupid. And Darcy wasn’t  _women_  – she was Darcy. Steve looked to Bucky, who nodded encouragingly, his arm sneaking up Darcy’s waist. The cold of the metal raised goose bumps over her skin, and she closed her eyes in… Surprise? Longing? Desperation?

“Darcy, look at me,” Steve begged, because she  _had_  to. She needed to see what he made her feel – she wouldn’t believe him otherwise.  _I don’t believe in things that can’t be proven_ , she’d said, and words could lie. She could convince herself they were lies.

She opened her eyes to him again, hope written across her face as plain as day. Steve watched her as he sat halfway up, resting on his elbow as he leaned over her. He paused there, centimeters away from both Darcy and Bucky, neither of them breathing in anticipation.

Her lips parted, and Steve was  _lost_. She felt soft against him, her mouth opening up for him easily as he felt a puff of air against his neck as Bucky breathed out in relief. It felt like he was flying, like a weight had lifted off his shoulders and everything was just Darcy and Bucky,  _Darcy and Bucky, Darcy and Bucky._

He managed to pull himself away, and watched in fascination as she looked over to Bucky, her lips slightly redder than they were earlier, and her pupils so wide her eyes were almost black.

Bucky was no better, looking desperate for a touch, a kiss,  _anything_. He looked like he couldn’t believe it, and Steve realized he  _couldn’t_.

“You can kiss me.” Darcy said, beating Steve to the punch. He would’ve grinned at it, at how perfect everything was, and how Darcy understood Bucky just like he did, but he didn’t. Not yet.

Bucky was still hesitating, looking unsure and hopeful and it pulled at something in Steve that had been reserved only for Bucky until now.

“Come here,” Darcy breathed, pulling him towards her and when they finally met in the middle, Bucky’s arm twitching from where it was resting on Darcy stomach and gripping Steve’s arm, everything felt  _right_.

**Author's Note:**

> I think I might have switched tenses at some point - I'm tired it's 02:47 where I live, don't judge me plz
> 
> SONGS:
> 
> Castle - Halsey  
> Bleeding Out - Imagine Dragons  
> What Makes a Good Man? - The Heavy  
> Yellow Light - Of Monsters and Men  
> If I Believe - The 1975 [Title is also taken from that song. The whole album is great, but that’s my favourite.]
> 
> \--  
> I OWN NOTHING  
> \--  
> [My Tumblr! Come say hi!](http://thejoysofamultishipper.tumblr.com/)


End file.
